1.The only way Ellen can get to her chair, is to sumo squat across her coffee table as she avoids getting hit in the crotch by a tulip.
2. Stand next to her and you will always be the better dancer in the room.
3. She is Supercalifragilisticexpialidociously RICH!!! $$$$
Everyday she is giving out Hybrid cars, super sized novelty cheques and island holidays, like I give out like the middle finger on my daily drive to work. The trick to scoring yourself a spot on Ellen's nice and not naughty list, is to send her a tear jerking letter about how broke you are, your dog running away, getting dumped by your boyfriend and losing your job along with your sanity ; but you still see the vodka bottle half full. Next thing you know, BOOM! You got yourself $10,000 in a briefcase given to you by a man in cotton briefs. Happy days!
(If my dog goes missing in the next week, don't ask questions.)
Damn! My life would be so much easier right now, if Ellen was my own personal Fairy Godmother/ Genie. But instead of a golden lamp, she would be coming out of a bottle of tequila.
Then every time I do a shot, she would grant me a wish.
*shot number one*
Me: "Ellen, can I please have luggage and clothing to take to Canada."
Ellen: "Here you go!"
* shot number two*
Me: "Ellen!!! I need like an unlimited credit card that I never have to pay back!"
Ellen: "All yours!"
*shot number three*
Me: "Ellen!... Ellen!! I neeeed like a bloody snowboard and shit, for the snow and shit you know!?
" OK, OK. One snowboard coming right up"
*Shot number four*
Me: "Ellen you f*cking bitch, where's my thermal onesie?"
Ellen:"I think you should slow down Amanda"
*Shot number five*
Me: "Ellen I can't feel my face, and why the f*ck am I dressed like a giant penguin?"
Ellen: "Screw this I'm calling a taxi"
Now, my imaginary fairy Godmother Ellen might dump my drunk sorry ass at the taxi rank, but I know my real life friends and family will be there to chip in for cab fare and shout me a slice of vegetarian pizza for the ride home. Winning!
During the past few months I've been completely amazed by the financial and emotional support that has come my way, since I announced my plan to live in Canada. It's such a reassuring feeling, knowing I have a bad-ass cheer squad behind me 100% , shaking their pom-poms and their bon-bons for me. (OK I just got a Ricky Martin flash back circa 1999)
So for that, I would like to thank the following people:
Marisa Mackail. This naughty little girl bought me a Ripcurl backpack! I had it on Lay-by for just ONE day, before she went into the shop, paid off the rest ,then surprised me with it! Tricky,tricky little Mariska. Thank-you! xx (p.s and thank-you for all those freebie movie tickets, so we can still have a social life together!)
Janet Heslop. A regular snow enthusiast, gave me one of her sheep skin jackets to add to my winter clothing collection. Thanks Janet! xx
Antonis Michael: For never ever letting me pay for my lattes at work and for constantly paying for our breakfast dates, so I can save money. Thank-you xx
Antionette Stellino: My work sister, has been so kind to let me park my car at her place every morning so
I don't have to pay $60 a month for staff car parking. Thank-you! xx
Bree Singleton: For shouting me a soy latte today...oh and for all your encouragement. Thank -you for telling me to stop being a bitching sook and just book the stupid flights. I love you Bree! xx
Marisa's mum Diana. Giving me a free feed one night! Free food is always good. Thanks Mrs Marisa! xx
Kin (my work mum). Always bringing in lunch and nicking veggies from her mum's garden for me. Thanks Kinny! xx
Mum and Dad. Offering me to move back home, rent free, until I fly out. Huge thanks xx!
Uncle Peter and Aunt Sue. For your second-hand thermal legging that look like they have been very, very used...Thanks?
And last but not least, to every single person who have been giving me all their advice on the Canadian weather.
Apparently it's going to be cold?
I THANK YOU!!!*
Until next time Harry.
Amanda. x
*SARCASM!!!
(If my dog goes missing in the next week, don't ask questions.)
Damn! My life would be so much easier right now, if Ellen was my own personal Fairy Godmother/ Genie. But instead of a golden lamp, she would be coming out of a bottle of tequila.
Then every time I do a shot, she would grant me a wish.
*shot number one*
Me: "Ellen, can I please have luggage and clothing to take to Canada."
Ellen: "Here you go!"
* shot number two*
Me: "Ellen!!! I need like an unlimited credit card that I never have to pay back!"
Ellen: "All yours!"
*shot number three*
Me: "Ellen!... Ellen!! I neeeed like a bloody snowboard and shit, for the snow and shit you know!?
" OK, OK. One snowboard coming right up"
*Shot number four*
Me: "Ellen you f*cking bitch, where's my thermal onesie?"
Ellen:"I think you should slow down Amanda"
*Shot number five*
Me: "Ellen I can't feel my face, and why the f*ck am I dressed like a giant penguin?"
Ellen: "Screw this I'm calling a taxi"
Now, my imaginary fairy Godmother Ellen might dump my drunk sorry ass at the taxi rank, but I know my real life friends and family will be there to chip in for cab fare and shout me a slice of vegetarian pizza for the ride home. Winning!
During the past few months I've been completely amazed by the financial and emotional support that has come my way, since I announced my plan to live in Canada. It's such a reassuring feeling, knowing I have a bad-ass cheer squad behind me 100% , shaking their pom-poms and their bon-bons for me. (OK I just got a Ricky Martin flash back circa 1999)
So for that, I would like to thank the following people:
Marisa Mackail. This naughty little girl bought me a Ripcurl backpack! I had it on Lay-by for just ONE day, before she went into the shop, paid off the rest ,then surprised me with it! Tricky,tricky little Mariska. Thank-you! xx (p.s and thank-you for all those freebie movie tickets, so we can still have a social life together!)
Janet Heslop. A regular snow enthusiast, gave me one of her sheep skin jackets to add to my winter clothing collection. Thanks Janet! xx
Antonis Michael: For never ever letting me pay for my lattes at work and for constantly paying for our breakfast dates, so I can save money. Thank-you xx
Antionette Stellino: My work sister, has been so kind to let me park my car at her place every morning so
I don't have to pay $60 a month for staff car parking. Thank-you! xx
Bree Singleton: For shouting me a soy latte today...oh and for all your encouragement. Thank -you for telling me to stop being a bitching sook and just book the stupid flights. I love you Bree! xx
Marisa's mum Diana. Giving me a free feed one night! Free food is always good. Thanks Mrs Marisa! xx
Kin (my work mum). Always bringing in lunch and nicking veggies from her mum's garden for me. Thanks Kinny! xx
Mum and Dad. Offering me to move back home, rent free, until I fly out. Huge thanks xx!
Uncle Peter and Aunt Sue. For your second-hand thermal legging that look like they have been very, very used...Thanks?
And last but not least, to every single person who have been giving me all their advice on the Canadian weather.
Apparently it's going to be cold?
I THANK YOU!!!*
Until next time Harry.
Amanda. x
*SARCASM!!!
