Are you suffering from 'Manic Red Pants Depression'? ( 15 days untill I leave for Canada)

"Antonis, you'll be happy to know that I've finally organized my farewell drinks: next Sunday night, at Sixes and Sevens in the Valley. Happy?"

Antonis, my very much loved co-worker, breakfast buddy and impromptu singing partner – sorry, correction, sanging partner –, nodded with delight that I had finally booked farewell work drinks that suited our premium cocktail and tapas taste, on everyone’s Cheap Tuesday  budget.

As the unofficial work social-events coordinator, I put my best year-10 Microsoft Word sign-making skills to good use, and designed a flyer invite, to put in the staff tearoom. 

(If you're wondering, I used the fonts Britannic Bold and Cambria with a double-lined border . Nice, nice? Yeah, I thought so too - I've come a long way since Curlz MT and Comic Sans MS)

 Antonis poses a question to me :

"So why are you doing this? Why are you moving to Canada? Are you going through some kind of manic depression? My Dad had it, I think, when he started wearing red pants. And I was like 'Dad, are you OK?' "

I'm very much OK. Do you see me wearing red pants? Would I ever consider buying red pants?

Sure, I wore a pair of red short-shorts during my European trip. By the end of those eight fantastic weeks, my buttons were popping and camel toes weren't stopping, all thanks to a few Nutella crepes, a couple dozen cups of gelato, and a glorious amount bread and olive oil.

Other than that, no manic red pants depression here.

This GIF has nothing to do with the story, it's just really funny to watch over and over and over and over....
Happy Byrce?

The truth is I'm doing it because it's my ultimate DREAM - Ok, ok, and stop right there!

I hate using that word, just as much as I dislike the word ‘BLOG’ and‘JOURNEY’.

So, instead of dream, let's use, hallucination.

Instead of blog, let’s say, diary of my absent seizure thoughts.

And instead of journey, call it, a voyage through middle earth.

Others may hallucinate of graduating uni and landing their ultimate job; getting married and raising a family; travelling every last inch of the earth; or clocking up over 500 likes on an Instagram picture of their Sunday morning cafe breakfast.

# sunday #morning # bigbreakfast #bacon #poachedeggs #hashbrown # tomatoe #mushrooms #halomie #sausages #pancakes #maplesyrup #raisintoast #livercleansingjuice # #hangoverfood #livingthehallucination #dietstartsmonday #pfffwhoamikidding?

This hallucination has been pestering me for years.

Last year I had an epiphany, while being thrown out of a helicopter over the Swiss Alps alongside a man named Woody. As I plummeted to the ground at a gazillion miles an hour, hoping for the best, I thought to myself "If I can do this, I can do anything!”

So I'm doing it. After many years of um-ing and ahh-ing in procrastination and questioning whether I'm brave enough to flip my comfortable world upside down, I'm doing it. I'm just going to have a crack at it, challenge myself and see what happens! (Give yourself an awkward high-five Amanda!)

Same goes for the diary of my absent seizures thoughts. I'm writing about my voyage through middle earth because I get happy feet from it and it’s what I love to do. 

Sure, I've made a couple a shitload of silly spelling and grammar mistakes, but it's OK.

I'm just going to keep up with my absent seizures and improve my writing every day.   

For me, this voyage through middle earth is a must; mandatory, you could say. I don't know why and I can’t remember for how long; but this idea, this fantasy, this hallucination of living in Canada will not leave me alone until I achieve it. Then when I do, I can be at peace and focus on other hallucinations, like gaining the most likes on Instagram of a latte, with a fancy coffee art design of the Grumpy Cat.

"I'll rate your coffee art...it was horrible" - Grumpy Cat.

#Grumpycat #grumpy #cat #latte #soy #coffee #art #im#guessing#this

#persons#coffee#was#cold#by#the#time#thebarista#finished#drawing#it

Until next time hallucinators.

Amanda x

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A night at the 'DUNDER' Bar ( 30 days until I leave for Canada)

How do you end up at 24 hour pancake house at 3am, with your future Canadian house mate Alex, who you only meet for the first time 9 hours ago? 
You’re now both sharing garlic bread and a bowl of wedges, while laughing hysterically together over this 'Key & Peele' skit.

 This is how…if I can remember.

Friday night 6.30pm, pre-departure drinks were happening in the city at The Down Under Bar, or locally know as ‘The Dunder', for all the Brisbane based kids heading to Canada this November, through The Working Holiday Club.

Jake Gibbs from TWHC organizes these shindigs in each city for 2 main reasons.

1. To meet and greet with future co-workers and potential flats mates,who are heading to the same resort as you.

2. To the have the best Friday night drinks you never expected to have with a bunch of strangers. Strangers? No way! Check out your Facebook and Snapchat friend requests!

Before heading into THE DUNDER, I already knew 2 guys who would be there, my future Canadian room mates , Alex and Peter, who I meet months ago on our THWC Grouse Mountain Facebook group page, but never in person.

So I was crossing my fingers, toes and eyes that they weren’t a bunch of nutters, who looked nothing like their profile pictures, so excited to finally meet my awesome new friends and  I couldn’t wait to see if our online chemistry had as much spark in real life as it did in our Facebook chats.

First I meet Alex, who will be working on the Grouse Skyride lift. I catch him walking outside past the bar concentrating on his phone, I call out to him. Yep , he looked exactly like his profile pic (good start). His was even suited up, like in his profile pic, and out-dressed me. *note to self, buy nicer clothes*.

I go in for the hug, I think I scared him a wee bit, so I quickly shake his hand and introduce myself. 

Nice save Amanda.

Inside we find Jake, we introduce ourselves, get our free drink card and apologized for giving him grief on Facebook for choosing The Down Under Bar.

If you’re not familiar with the place, it’s probably the dirtiest, messiest, stickiest bar in Brisbane.
It’s crawling with European backpackers and you have to be doing something extremely stupid before security kicks you out. Like setting yourself on fire.

This place was pretty loose and we liked it! 

So, sorry Jake we ever doubted you.

Jake from TWHC and Alex.

Jake then introduced us to Kimberly, who will be working in Guest Services on Grouse Mountain. We got along famously, instantly became bff and fbf, and made her our newest roommate. Poor girl.

Then we finally meet Peter, Grouses newest Lifty. He was taller then what I expected him to be from his photos; I went in for the hug. I think I caught Peter off guard too when he said, 
“oh we’re hugging?”. 
Look I’m just a hugy kinda gal, plus I was on my second Canadian Club.

From that point we all became instant friends, (hmm, I see you're using the ‘F’ word so early in the relationship, risky move Amanda). The four of us just talked about how pumped we were for Canada and discussed anything we were worried about; like housing, having enough cash or coming across any Canadian drop bears.
(I've heard if you get chased buy one, you should run down a hill to slow them down. They're a real thing, right?)

The rest of the night was pretty much just awesome. We traded our drink cards for one of those wanker, hipster, jam jar cocktails; I showed Kimberly how to pull off the ‘scuba suit dance’ and Alex was doing his best pulling girls. 
Meanwhile Pete was standing back wondering what the hell he got himself into.  
This place was going off!

Now after a few hours and few extra Canadian Clubs under my belt, things got little bit random...

I go missing for about an hour. Where was I ? We will never know....so mysterious.

I received about 7 Facebook notifications:

Alex Stark wrote on your wall: “Dude are you still alive?”

Alannah Muir and Peter Mote Like this.

Alannah Muir* commented: Wild night guys? J

Alex Stark commented : Yeeeaaa dude.

Alannah Muir commented: Good stuff!

*Future Grouse co-worker ,who was clearly face-flirting with Alex.

Kimberly West Sent you a Message: “Yo Lady face where r u? There is a Nelly song on and I need a crumping partner.”

My phone dies. Fuck.

I magically reappear, ta-dah!

 I find Alex outside the bar giving evidence to police, after witnessing some poor bugger getting a black eye. Pete and Kimberly had already taken a taxi home and I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe.

 Hmm? A clue to where I went missing maybe?

Thrilled that I'm not dead, Alex gives me his jacket like a gentleman and walks me to my car.

Yes. I drove in. What a dick.

Walk to the car park building, take the lift, get off at the level I parked at.

No car and the car park looked nothing like where I left it. WTF?

We walked FOREVERRRRRRRRRR around the city.

We take a pit stop toilet break at the Hilton Hotel foyer.

Have an Oprah styled, deep and meaningful conversation on the hotels fancy art deco lounges.

Had a 'lightbulb moment'... I took us to the wrong car park.

Alex no likes me.

I apologized immensely then came up with the brilliant idea of going to the 24 Hour Pancake Manor for a midnight snack. Genius!

Alex likes me again!

Which brings us back the Pancake Manor at 3am, bonding over this Youtube clip and laughing like nutters together.

I think Alex and I  are going get along just fine.

Until next time dude.

Amanda x

Discover your WORKING HOLIDAY CLUB adventure here!

We are family ( 38 days before I leave for Canada)

I recently moved into a new place and I think I've scored a pretty sweet pad.

It’s got everything!

Three bedrooms, beautiful kitchen, stunning spacious bathroom and a very comfy lounge room with a giant plasma with Foxtel.
It also has a beautiful garden growing it's own herbs and huge entertaining area for all my friends. 
It's just perfect!
The place even comes with a full pantry and fridge, plus a little Maltese dog named Piper...

Who am I kidding, I've moved back home with my parents.

Yep.

Mum and Dad have very kindly let me move back home, keeping all my belongings stored in the garage and live rent-free until I fly out to Canada, which will be happening in the next 6 weeks.

I’m a very lucky duck.

A bit has changed since the last time I lived here.

Our 13-year-old pampered pooch, Piper, has somehow negotiated with Mum and Dad to move her dinner-time from 4pm to 12pm. 
Who does this dog thinks she is? Miranda Kerr!? Her average dinner consists of  raw organic eggs, steamed vegetables and RSPCA approved chicken wings. 
Then she finishes her night with a teaspoon of vanilla bean ice cream. This bitch runs this mother!

The back yard has now turned into a bird sanctuary, thanks to Dads DIY bird feeders. 
One mother bird, her boyfriend and 2 kids, have set up home in one of our oversized hanging plants, but the thing is, it's plastic. A fake.

So I sat her down and I said, I said pet, I said love, I said pet, I said love. Your baby daddy needs to get himself a J.O.B, and he gotta get you and your babies a real living plant or a decent gum tree to live in. You know what I'm saying girlfriend?

Lets see what else...Oh and my old room has been transformed into what looks like Martha Stewarts bedroom, if she was sent to a mental institution - pretty pillows, beautiful linen, floral arrangements and scented candles, all in the same shade 'Bipolar white'. ( get the joke? Polar, like the Arctic Circle, Polar Bear, snow... which is white and Bi-polar is what craziess have...and mental instiutions are white...get it? No? Ok, fair enough)

Moving back home has come with its perks.

Home cooked meals, my clothes are being washed, and there is actually food in the fridge as appose to an out of date carton of almond milk and a jar of garlic. Try using those two ingredients in a Master Chef challenge.

Then there are the not so perky perks.

I really truly wish I had OCD, because my messiness tends to get me in trouble and drives people a little bonkers. Mum can't understand how one person can destroy a bathroom ,just from brushing her teeth; Dad knows when I have attempted to pack the dishwasher and my sister Jenna starts hyper ventliating when I hang a dress, I borrowed, up the wrong way and in the wrong section of her wardobe

The one thing I never missed about living at home, was the dinner tables favourite conversation topic.

Australian Politics.

This house is the Labor parties number one fangirl, and Mum and Dad love bitching about Tony Abbott with a passion, these two are like a pair of Mean Girls.

Abc News is on 24/7 and Mum chooses to watch 'Parliament Question Time' over any other daytime tv show. 

She has even had a 2 week ban from Facebook, after a Liberal Party support group reported her. What a bia-tch!

How you vented before Facebook.

Living at home is never really that bad, even if you are in your late 20's.

I was worried about moving in at first, as Mum and I do tend to butt heads like elk during the breeding season. But I think knowing this will be the last time I'll be seeing my family for a very long time, we're not sweating about the small stuff ,like  4 plates, 2 cups and the blender I used for a banana smoothie a dirty plate in the sink. Instead were are just enjoying and appreciating each others presence before I say goodbye.

Again, please excuse me while I go to my room and cry like a Tully, and smash a family sized, Cadbury block of chocolate.

Until next time pet.

Amanda x

Discover your WORKING HOLIDAY CLUB adventure here.

In the words of Mr Chow "So long gay* boys!" *just to clarify they are very straight boys who have lady lovers. (52 days until I leave for Canada)

Ten months ago my friend Renae and I went to a Caxton St bar for drinks with our old school mate, Ashley, who I last saw nine years ago, and with him was his younger brothers, Brad and Christian.

After one jug of some kind of tap beer and an expensive round of tequila shots (thanks to me), Renae and I some how ended up at a Brisbane Roar Football game with the boys.
I will admit I didn't have a frigging clue what was happening on the field, but I did know that Renae and I were drunk, giggly and taking selfies like morons. Yes, we became those girls at a sporting event.

Anyway, we all had a blast and Ash was still the same funny, easy going guy I remember from school, except he got a little bit taller.
A few days later, Ash asked if I wanted to move in with him and his brothers, as they were looking for a new flatmate after buying a house together.
One month later the Hemingway bachelor pad was my new home. I was the token new girl.

Today I sadly packed up my king single bed (I know, I know I'm pathetic human being!) and said goodbye to the best three flat mates a girl could ask for, so I can move back into my parents home, to save cash for Canada.

Life at the Hemingway home was never a boring one. Everyday was a "f*cking sweet!" day! 
Not one day went by without a laugh-a-thon, a friendly fiery debate, a sarcastic but loving "F*ck you" thrown at each other and we never went to bed without a "Goodnight roomie". 
Can I get anymore soppy or sentimental? Yes I can!

I fell in love with the Hemingway boys and I will miss everything about living with my adopted brothers. I'll miss listening to Ash sing the same Red Hot Chili Peppers song every time he cooked dinner, I'll miss Brad asking me "Is she hot?", whenever I mention one of my friends ,and I'll miss Christians sweet shy character, along with his outspoken alter-ego when he gets drunk.
They changed me for the better and their friendship healed the damaged parts of my life without them even knowing it.

Brad + Ashley + Christian = :) Amanda

Hemingway House Highlights

• Opening me to the world of Star Wars, The Regular Show and Adventure Time. I have learnt that there is NO age limit when in comes to cartoons.
• Teaching me the importance of football (soccer for those playing at home). The passion, the excitement, the passion, the build up, the passion....THE PASSION!!!! These kids are the craziest die-hard football fanatics I have ever meet, and I've learnt 2 things from this. 

1. Never try to nurse a hangover in bed when a football final happening in the lounge room. Stay at your mum's.                                                                                                               

2. Whatever you do, never ever, don't even think about it, are you crazy they will kill you in your sleep, ever call football that forbidden word Soccer. It's the same as saying the name Voldemont in Harry Potter land. It's forbidden!! (NERD ALERT!)

I think this guy loves football?

The Regular Show

To Ash, Brad and Christian, I will always be grateful to you boys, for you letting me live in your home. I thank you for putting up with my sometimes, most of the time, OK majority of the time messiness. I thank-you for accepting the times I hogged the TV to watch Offspring and Fashion Police, for understanding why I had to take over 80% of the shower shelf storage and for doing your awkward best at comforting me, when I was hormonal crying mess.

I can't thank-you enough or express how much I will miss you boys.

Now please excuse me, while I go to my room and cry like a little bitch with a pack of Tim Tams.

I love you roomies!

Until next time bro!

Amanda x

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Enter Witty Title here....because Im too buggered to think of one. (60 DAYS BEFORE I LEAVE FOR CANADA)

You watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show right? Shut up yes you do! You watch it when your at home 'sick',after the local bars 'Tuesday's $2 Taco and Corona' night. Am I right? Or am I right? Whether you have seen it once because you were too hungover to find the remote, or it's recorded daily on Foxtel (it's OK, It can be our little secret) you will know these 3 key things about Ms E.

1.The only way Ellen can get to her chair, is to sumo squat across her coffee table as she avoids getting hit in the crotch by a tulip.

2. Stand next to her and you will always be the better dancer in the room.

3. She is Supercalifragilisticexpialidociously RICH!!! $$$$

Everyday she is giving out Hybrid cars, super sized novelty cheques and island holidays, like I give out like the middle finger on my daily drive to work. The trick to scoring yourself a spot on Ellen's nice and not naughty list, is to send her a tear jerking letter about how broke you are, your dog running away, getting dumped by your boyfriend and losing your job along with your sanity ; but you still see the vodka bottle half full. Next thing you know, BOOM! You got yourself $10,000 in a briefcase given to you by a man in cotton briefs. Happy days!

(If my dog goes missing in the next week, don't ask questions.)

Damn! My life would be so much easier right now, if Ellen was my own personal Fairy Godmother/ Genie. But instead of a golden lamp, she would be coming out of a bottle of tequila.
Then every time I do a shot, she would grant me a wish.

*shot number one*
 Me: "Ellen, can I please have luggage and clothing to take to Canada."
 Ellen: "Here you go!"

* shot number two*
Me: "Ellen!!! I need like an unlimited credit card that I never have to pay back!"
Ellen: "All yours!"

*shot number three*
Me: "Ellen!... Ellen!! I neeeed like a bloody snowboard and shit, for the snow and shit you know!?
" OK, OK. One snowboard coming right up"

*Shot number four*
Me: "Ellen you f*cking bitch, where's my thermal onesie?"
Ellen:"I think you should slow down Amanda"

*Shot number five*
Me: "Ellen I can't feel my face, and why the f*ck am I dressed like a giant penguin?"
Ellen: "Screw this I'm calling a taxi"

Now, my imaginary fairy Godmother Ellen might dump my drunk sorry ass at the taxi rank, but I know my real life friends and family will be there to chip in for cab fare and shout me a slice of vegetarian pizza for the ride home. Winning!

During the past few months I've been completely amazed by the financial and emotional support that has come my way, since I announced my plan to live in Canada. It's such a reassuring feeling, knowing I have a bad-ass cheer squad behind me 100% , shaking their pom-poms and their bon-bons for me. (OK I just got a Ricky Martin flash back circa 1999)

So for that, I would like to thank the following people:

Marisa Mackail. This naughty little girl bought me a Ripcurl backpack! I had it on Lay-by for just ONE day, before she went into the shop, paid off the rest ,then surprised me with it! Tricky,tricky little Mariska. Thank-you! xx (p.s and thank-you for all those freebie movie tickets, so we can still have a social life together!)

Janet Heslop. A regular snow enthusiast, gave me one of her sheep skin jackets to add to my winter clothing collection. Thanks Janet! xx

Antonis Michael: For never ever letting me pay for my lattes at work and  for constantly paying for our breakfast dates, so I can save money. Thank-you xx

Antionette Stellino: My work sister, has been so kind to let me park my car at her place every morning so
 I don't have to pay $60 a month for staff car parking. Thank-you! xx

Bree Singleton: For shouting me a soy latte today...oh and for all your encouragement. Thank -you for telling me to stop being a bitching sook and just book the stupid flights. I love you Bree! xx

Marisa's mum Diana. Giving me a free feed one night! Free food is always good. Thanks Mrs Marisa! xx

Kin (my work mum). Always bringing in lunch and nicking veggies from her mum's garden for me. Thanks Kinny! xx

Mum and Dad. Offering me to move back home, rent free, until I fly out. Huge thanks xx!

Uncle Peter and Aunt Sue. For your second-hand thermal legging that look like they have been very, very used...Thanks?

And last but not least, to every single person who have been giving me all their advice on the Canadian weather.
Apparently it's going to be cold? 

I THANK YOU!!!*


Until next time Harry.

Amanda. x

*SARCASM!!!

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